Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t buy bullshit

I have complete contempt for traitorism

NASA spots Martian volcano twice the height of Mount Everest bursting through the morning clouds: Space photo of the week - Live Science

I have complete contempt for fakery

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Why does my mother care about my sister more than me?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

How Many Burgers Are Too Many Burgers? Here's What Health Experts Advise. - HuffPost

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

With so much evidence supporting the flat Earth theory, why aren't more resources dedicated to studying it?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

What topics are okay with you in comics and what topics should be totally off the table?

I see through liars

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Can I study a master’s in travel and tourism in Sweden within a budget of 5 lakhs INR?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I actually pay taxes

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

Tourists break crystal-covered chair at Italian museum: "Every museum's nightmare has come true" - CBS News

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

If atheists are so positive that there is no God, where is their proof that He does not exist?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

Why do humans sweat while stressed?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

How do flat earthers explain the Earth being stationary? Is this concept considered impossible?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I have a reading level above third grade

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know who the president of Turkey really is

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I can read

I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand how hurricane paths work

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I can count